HOPPED!

http://www.trooops.com/shop/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=35

im actually quite scared when the wind blows.
the sliding glass door right behind me sound like its going to detach itself,
crashing into the room,
and kill me.

jamie had a bad bad day.
its so bad from the very beginning till the end.

are holidays supposed to start like that?

i just fucking wasted thurs to saturday trying to quarantine myself. sunday was at granny's.

monday was my first actual holiday. AND I MET UP WITH YOU ALREADY.
TODAY IS LIKE ONLY THE SECOND DAY OF MY HOLS.
AND IM GETTING THIS SHIT.

i cant believe im exhausted on the second day of my hols. how am i going to survive the rest of the month? i suddenly have this thought of getting flu and be stuck at home everyday.

where are you.

its 4:23 am.

my mind is. just so blank.

dont know wtf im doing. okae no. i was trying to answer 3 days of procrastinated emails. i asked for it. 100. nice number aye?

i finally had time to study since thurs, but till now i still havent even had a sniff of the piling notes. thurs was a trooops and shopping day. fri was work, accounting tut, ob lect, youtube, trooops, band. sat was temple, lunch, yun shi, nap, temple, trooops.

by 3 30 am, i think i was stoning every few minutes of typing. just unconsciously staring at the monitor till i realised i was staring. then the stoning worsens till a point where i just let myself stone, my body refusing to move, just watching the line thing blink.

and blink.


finally dragged myself to bathe. and now im tucked in bed. and my toes are finally not cold anymore.

i need some order and regularity in my life. my rm is cstly in a bad state and my time is all messed up. so im sort of looking fwd to tues. but then again. i srsly dont know what to expect. but i know im going to have a hard time.

okae tts it. dozing off every few minutes is getting really irritating.

this is what you get, after 4 hrs of sleep, 8 hours of volunteering and 9 hours of bun-ed up hair.


made the wrong choice of asking some random aunty to bun my hair.
she used HAIR GEL. like tonnes of it. argh. the moment she dip her fingers into that red pot i knew something bad was going to come out of it. FLAT HAIR DAY.
like eeew?
and i was made to wear one of the ugliest costumes ever. dun huang.
supposedly those heavenly ladies in the sky. ahem.
but i like the head thing. other than tt, i just looked like a freak.
and cause of my thick eyeliner, N says i look like a clubbing Dun Huang.
waahahahahah. imagine that. clubbing fairies flying ard in the sky. HOW COOL IS THAT!


had dinner w hui jia againnnn. and the cute little toddler who refuses to eat his maccas.
they make me feel like i was being cared for!
'call us next sat if you want to have dinner again kay?'
'okae!'
'if anything happens just call us kay?'
'okaeeeeeeeee! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ '


man. i need slp.
this week was relatively peaceful. no assignments. which does not equate to more slp, cause i spent more time on trooops. oh. and i was sick. with the usual throat-inflammatiom-w-fever-but-cant-eat-panadol crap. maybe thats why it felt peaceful. i slept the whole of thurs away.

then.

now i got the untouched pms assignment due tmr.
and a econometrics assignment due on friday. whats w the screwed up assignments this sem?!!



sleepless nights. not by will.

thought before i start replying the 79 emails in my inbox, i d write some stuff to vent all my frustration.

jamie thought.
she THOUGHT it was a great day.

because she

woke up to have breakfast at qvm w sarah and maria.
it was really nice, cause it was drizzling and cold.
the coffee was a little burnt, but still nice, cause it warm to hold and drink.
the turkey focaccia was nice. toasted well.

jamie thought it was a great day.

cause she went fky. helped in the kitchen.
bought a pair of nice grey, snakey heels.

jamie seriously thought it was a great day.

cause she met up with her cousin + husband + toddler and baby for dinner and dessert.
just this 3 hrs, and we talked more than we ever did for 20 yrs of my life.
afterall. nth beats being family.

and i thought it was going to end w a nice phone call w G.
i was going to say something like 'OMG. YOU KNOW WHO I HAD DINNER W TODAY?!!'

before that happened. she said
you know i received 4 msges today. and i quote them directly 'can you ask jamie to fucking replying her emails?'

my heart just sank.

i didnt reply emails for 1 night. cause i was celebrating my end of ob assignment.
just one night of hot pot. one night of fun. okae maybe i didnt reply emails on wednesday night too. cause of assignment. but i made up for that on thursday. just sitting there and replying 4-5 hrs of email. non stop. this is not an exaggeration. i just needed a break yesterday night.
and this happens.

its sad. cause it was directed at me.

and i feel responsible for it.

BUT DO YOU KNOW THIS IS THE LARGEST COMMITMENT I EVER MADE MY WHOLE LIFE?
FUCKING 4 HRS A DAY. I DONT EVEN STUDY THAT HARD.
AND YOU EXPECT ME TO DO 4 HRS EVERY SINGLE DAY. OTHERS GET WEEKENDS OFF. I DONT CAUSE YOU SHOP ON WEEKENDS.
ALTHOUGH I DONT HAVE A FANTASTIC AND HAPPENING LIFE, I STILL NEED A LIFE.
I GO TO SCH IN THE DAY. COME BACK AND REPLY EMAILS.
I TRY TO ANSWER EMAILS EVEN WHEN I VE GOT ASSIGNMENTS DUE. IF I FLUNK MY SUBJECTS, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS?
IT COSTS 26 TIMES OF THE AMOUNT I EARN IN TROOOPS A MONTH. THATS LIKE 2 YRS OF TROOOPS TO EARN ONE SEMESTER OF SCH IN MELBOURNE UNI. FUCKING BITCH.

and i really thought it was going to be a great day.



no one is there to make me feel better.
i ended up chopping Os. and hanging up on therapist liu.

wooohooo. let me get back to my 81 emails. im so excited.

fucking hell. why do i have love-hates with EVERYONE in this world??
okae. not everyone. ALMOST everyone.
something is wrong w me.
i must love everyone. love. LOVE. everyone is so nice. i love them so much. they are so nice to me. i wld have died without them. they are the best. i shld always be happy for them. no matter what. and i should take everything they say as encouragements. yes man. i feel so much happier now. i am happy. i am happy. and why did that crazy person **** me?!!! freaks me out. okae. no. i shld learn how to be a better person. i shldnt be superficial. i shld be a responsible girl who does everything right.

im so. messed up.

ob + intro econometrics + trooops - wolverine - steamboat - chillout job + unfinished tutes + too much slp - shopping + vesak day = impending doom.

whats w equationsssss? econometrics is killing me. no. NO.